During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet

satellites would inform the Soviet

army in 3 seconds and in less than 45 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would

be on their

way. Recent studies commissioned by US department of Defense
 included one

on

nuclear war between India and

Pakistan.

This was their scenario.................

The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They

don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns.

Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak countdown and

decides to launch a missile in retribution.

But they need permission from the Government of India. They submit their

request to the Indian
 President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet.

The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session.

The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the

opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely.

The President asks for a quick decision. In the mean time, the Pak  missile

failed to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts for a relaunch are still on.

 Just then the
 Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party

that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks the PM to prove his majority

within a week. As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is

installed.

The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear

missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not take such a decision

because elections are at hand. A Public Interest Litigation is filed in the Supreme Court

alleging misuse of power by the Election Commission.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM,  and says the acting PM is

authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.

Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367

miles away from the target, on  its own government building at
 11.00AM.

Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office

that early. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.

The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and

USA. The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its

own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties agree.

Its three months since the army had sought permission.

But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come

out against the Government's decision.

Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised.

In California and
 Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning

the government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".

 On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles

deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan. Many

of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.

A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service. Since the Pakistan

army is unable to understand its software, it hits it original destination: Russia.

Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a

nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits the target and creates havoc. Pakistan cries for help.

India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of

Parle-G biscuits.

Thus India never gets to launch the missile.

Pakistan never gets it right.

And we live happily ever after!!!!

Wireless Technology!

1.A Sardarji went to US & had a meeting with George Bush.

Bush: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me. (He

takes him in a deep forest)

Bush: Dig the ground. (Sardarji did it.)

Bush: more..more..more... (Sardarji went up to 100 feet)

Bush: So now, try to search something.

Sardarji: I got a wire.

Bush: you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have

telephones. (Sardarji became frustrated.)

He invited Bush to India. Next year Bush had been in India

Sardarji: I want to show you our advancement. (The same, he

takes Bush in forest.)

Sardar: dig it. (Bush does.)

Sardar: more...More..More.......... (Bush goes Upto almost 400

feet...)

Sardarji: try to find something. (Bush tries.)

Sardarji: did you get anything?

Bush: no.

Sardarji: yes, even 400 years ago we used to have wireless

Technology

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men:    Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get Brownie points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry,  that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:  

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)  

 In the rain (+8)  

 But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (- 50)  

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)

Named Tina (-4)

Tina  who is a dancer (-6)

Tina who has silicon implants (-80)  

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3) It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)  

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)  

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)  

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)  

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)  

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)  

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying

 what looks like a concerned _expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV  (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)  

Now what chance do you have   ???